Sit back and tell me why I'm so prone to this

I wish this blog wasn't as depressing as it looks. I want to be happy, but happy is the last thing I am right now. I hate being stuck in this vicious cycle of tearing myself down over and over again. I want to feel like I'm good at something, or at least like I can do something right for once in my life. I don't want to let people down the way I have in the past. Only right now, I've already let down so many people and it kills me to know that they are disappointed in me. I'm going back to the way I used to be and I hate it. It's taken me so long to rebuild myself and I don't want to have to do it again. I just wish I could have faith in myself the way that other people do. People constantly tell me that they believe in me, and I appreciate it so much and I love them for it, but it doesn't mean anything if I don't believe in myself. I just want to be the person that I was six months ago. Nothing more, nothing less. I just want to be happy again.