Take full weight of me, guard my dreams, figure this out, it's me on my own.

I have a ton of homework due tomorrow. I haven't even started my history work and it's a major assignment that's going to take me a good 2 hours. I can't do it during lunch because 1. I have history first period and 2. I have to do a crap load of photo homework during lunch. My hair is getting long and the t-shirt I'm wearing is a size too big for me and my dad wants to leave for school at 7:00 am tomorrow morning because he's going to my school's blood drive at 7:15. I still need to write my essay for my England exchange application and my feet are freezing right now. I also really wanted to paint my nails this weekend but I couldn't find the time to. Bahhh I can't wait for Wednesday.

I don't want a break from school though. Note, though, that there is a difference between wanting a break from school and wanting a break from homework. I need a break from homework. It's eating away at me and making me really bitchy towards everyone. I gave my psychologist such a hard time on Wednesday. I think part of it was because of homework making me touchy, and the other part of it was that I wanted (and kind of needed) her to see how unhappy I was/am. I'm not able to finish any of my homework and I have no self confidence and I'm just downright mean, and all she could say was "I'm sorry, I wish I could help you." She didn't even attempt to give me any advice, but I digress. I don't want a break from school because I love the people there. I just need a break from the rest of my life (parents and homework).

In history tomorrow we are having a round table. My history teacher wants me to start because she said I didn't talk a lot during the debate we had on Tuesday. I am often scared to talk because I'm afraid that I'll say something that's wrong or that never happened and everyone will point out that I'm incorrect and make a big deal out of it. My teacher keeps telling me to practice what I want to say in a mirror. While I understand that she's trying to help me by giving me advice, I hate practicing in mirrors. When I practice in a mirror I am looking directly at myself and I notice everything I say and the way I say it and the way that my mouth moves when I say it and my facial expressions when I say it and everything else you can think of. I notice my faults more easily and I'm a lot harder on myself about them. I hate staring at myself in the mirror because I don't think I'm very pretty and this just makes it worse. So while I appreciate my teacher's efforts in trying to give me good advice, the advice she gave me isn't very helpful.

On the plus side, Thanksgiving is on Thursday and I'm going to New Jersey to have Thanksgiving with my "Jersey cousins" because my cousin is home from Afghanistan for two weeks and my dad wants to see his brother (my uncle). I'm also seeing Harry Potter on Friday (hopefully) with A and going to something on Saturday (I'll post what it is after Saturday). We also have a dress down day on Tuesday at school. I just have to figure out what to wear and I'll be set.

I hope my photo teacher forgets about the four page spread that's due tomorrow, considering I haven't started it yet.